My Greatest Teacher, Adoption

As we enter November, National Adoption Month, I want to share my journey and healing through adoption in hopes that it serves as inspiration for others who share this experience.

Adoption has been my greatest teacher. I was adopted at five days old. When I was born, my birth mother didn’t want to see or touch me. I imagine myself placed in a bassinet, barely touched by the busy nursing staff, who, in the 70s, didn’t yet understand the critical importance of physical touch for child development—a concept now recognized through attachment theory.

By the time I was five days old, I rarely cried. My adoptive mother, unaware of attachment theory, thought I was a great baby. But those early days began my lifelong dance with people-pleasing, a way to belong and feel safe. At that stage of development, it was quite literally a matter of survival. For an infant, belonging means food, shelter, love—and life itself.

My earliest memory is of being alone in the crib—quiet, waiting. The world felt so big. I felt vulnerable, afraid, isolated, and separate.

I don’t remember a specific moment when my parents told me I was adopted because it was always part of my story. My mom often reminded me that I was a gift from God, and we were meant to be together. Yet, as I grew, I felt the tension of two opposing truths: I was loved, yet I was abandoned. I was cherished, yet a part of me felt unwanted, not enough, and unworthy.

These conflicting feelings didn’t sit quietly within me; they shaped how I moved through the world. I desperately wanted to be fully loved—by God, by my parents. But deep inside, I carried the weight of abandonment and the belief that I wasn’t enough.

As Susan David puts it, “Feelings show us what we need and where we are out of alignment with our values.” However, for much of my early life, my feelings didn’t act as a guiding light. They fully embodied my pain-body, my past living in and through me, as described by Eckhart Tolle. They were in the driver’s seat, controlling my thoughts and actions. I became a puppet to my emotions and, at times, felt completely disconnected from my True Self.

A part of me worked tirelessly to manage these feelings by earning my love and value externally. I did this by pleasing others and helping those worse off than me. Through these behaviors, I numbed myself, pushing my own needs aside to honor and serve others. But no matter how much I gave, helped, or pleased, nothing ever filled the deep-seated longing I carried within. Learn more. Do more. Please more. Each effort left me empty, craving what I truly needed but could not find externally.

My inner wisdom, my intuition, never left me. It whispered, nudged, and at times shouted, “There is more for you.” “These feelings are not who you truly are.” After my divorce at 33, I allowed myself, for the first time ever, to be alone. I gave myself permission to turn inward and sit with my emotions and feelings without numbing distractions. Alone, I began to face the feelings I had pushed away for years. It was terrifying, yet liberating. I turned inward to see, hear, feel, and understand my emotions and feelings, and they transformed from loud, dark, and fearful to comforting self-awareness.

That is when everything began to shift. I got quiet. I listened. I felt. Slowly, the spiraling feelings began to soften, revealing the path to truth. What I needed to heal was not outside of me. It was within. I realized I am not my feelings. I am much more; I am loved, worthy, valued, and enough. I began to listen to how I spoke to myself, transforming my words into expressions of love and inspiration. I started a loving relationship with myself, filled with self-love, forgiveness, and acceptance.

Invaluable Lessons Learned:
1. I am not my trauma. My experiences shaped me, but they do not define me.
2. I am not my limiting beliefs. What I was running from held the answers to what I was seeking.
3. True healing comes from within. The love, worth, and value I spent years seeking outside were always within me.

Seeing, hearing, and understanding myself has been one of the greatest challenges of my life. It’s ironic, considering I spend the most time with myself! But for so long, I ignored myself, looked outward, and didn’t put myself first. This journey of self-trust, of putting my needs at the forefront, has been a constant learning process. It’s my life’s work to anchor into my True Self, processing the trauma, beliefs, and feelings that help me grow into who I truly am.

Time alone, paired with holistic energy healing techniques—most profoundly, ThetaHealing—has brought me deep trust, healing, and connection to my True Self. And I also recognize that I am not meant to walk this journey alone. Some wounds are too deep, too protected for me to find on my own. In working with skilled holistic healers, I’ve deepened my journey and found clarity, confidence, and truth with divine synergy.

This journey has sparked my purpose and calling: to light the way for others. If my story resonates with you, know that you don’t have to do this alone. You are not alone. Together, we can transform your feelings into your greatest teachers, illuminating the path to growth and self-discovery. With an inner presence of grounded peace and confidence, you will align with your intuition and step into your true life’s purpose.

To learn more about Tammy and Towanda Wellbeing Visit www.towandawellbeing.com