How Winter Affects Chronic Illness and Sexual Health—And How to Take Control!
By Dr. Emma Schmidt, PhD, LPCC-S, CST-S
Clinical Sex Therapist, Hey Emma Therapy
Let’s talk about something we don’t usually hear a lot about: how winter can take a toll on both chronic illness and sexual health. If you’ve ever felt like the colder months make everything harder—your pain levels, your energy, your mood—you’re not imagining it. Winter can amplify so much of what makes living with a chronic condition challenging. And for a lot of folks, that includes intimacy.
Now, I get it. When you’re already dealing with pain, fatigue, or just feeling “off,” intimacy might feel like the last thing on your mind. But here’s the thing: intimacy, in whatever form it takes for you, is an important part of feeling connected and whole. So let’s unpack why this happens and, more importantly, what you can do about it.
Winter and Chronic Illness: What’s the Deal?
So, why does everything feel worse when it’s cold? Well, colder temperatures can increase inflammation, which means more pain for those of you dealing with conditions like arthritis, fibromyalgia, or other chronic pain disorders. And with less sunlight, your serotonin levels can drop, which can bring on seasonal depression or make existing anxiety worse. And anxiety and depression actually increase pain receptors in the brain making the pain you’re already feeling feel even worse.
Cool, cool, cool.
When your body is already fighting to keep up, the added stress of winter can drain your energy even more. And let’s be honest: when you’re exhausted and in pain, who’s thinking about intimacy? It’s completely normal for your body to prioritize survival over connection when you’re feeling this way.
And you’re not alone. Here’s what the numbers say:
50% of people with chronic illnesses report some form of sexual dysfunction.
Conditions like arthritis and fibromyalgia are notorious for flaring up during the colder months (thanks, winter).
If you’re managing depression or anxiety alongside your chronic condition, you’re two to three times more likely to see your libido take a nosedive.
What You Can Do to Feel More Like Yourself
The good news is that there are small, practical things you can do to make winter a little easier on your body—and your relationships. You don’t have to “push through” or “power through.” You just need to adapt in ways that honor where you’re at right now.
1. Create Warmth—Literally: Pain and stiffness love the cold, so the first step is keeping yourself warm and comfortable. Try these:
Take a warm bath or use a heating pad before or during intimacy. It helps relax muscles and ease joint pain.
Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket or wear warm socks. Yes, socks—studies even show they can help with circulation and relaxation (and who doesn’t love a good pair of fuzzy socks?).
2. Redefine Intimacy: Intimacy doesn’t have to mean sex. It can be as simple as sitting close to your partner, holding hands, or sharing a quiet moment together. Try:
Giving each other gentle massages. This is great for pain relief and emotional connection.
Learning a new game together
Watching your favorite show under a blanket or journaling together about things you’re grateful for.
It’s not about “doing it all.” It’s about showing up in ways that feel right for you and your body.
3. Talk About It: If you’re feeling disconnected or unsure how to express what you’re going through, communication is key. You don’t have to have a perfectly planned-out conversation—just start small.
Try saying: “I’ve been feeling really tired and in pain lately. Can we talk about how we can stay connected right now?”
Or: “I love you, but my body feels like it needs some extra care right now. How can we support each other through this?”
Partners often want to help—they just need to know how.
4. Make Adjustments That Work for You: Sometimes it’s not about “fixing” things; it’s about adapting to what’s possible.
Use positioning aids like pillows or wedges to make things more comfortable.
Try lubricants if dryness is an issue—silicone-based ones work great for lasting comfort.
If penetration feels too painful, focus on non-penetrative touch or cuddling. Intimacy is about connection, knowing and being known, not performance.
5. Don’t Forget Yourself: Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s essential. When you’re managing a chronic illness, your well-being is the foundation for everything else.
Do some light stretching or yoga to ease stiffness.
Consider investing in a light therapy lamp to help with seasonal mood dips.
Give yourself permission to rest when you need it. Seriously, rest is productive!
If skin care is your thing, spend some time doing a nice skincare routine when you feel at your highest energy.
How Therapy Can Help
Sometimes, despite our best efforts, the challenges of chronic illness and intimacy feel overwhelming. That’s where therapy can help. Here are three therapeutic approaches that are particularly effective for navigating these issues.
Mindfulness: Finding Peace in the Present: Mindfulness teaches you to focus on the present moment without judgment. For people with chronic illness, this can mean learning to accept your body as it is, rather than focusing on how it used to be or how you wish it were.
Why It Helps:
Reduces stress and anxiety by breaking the cycle of worrying about the future.
Eases pain perception by helping you approach discomfort with curiosity, not fear.
Helps you reconnect with your partner by focusing on sensations, touch, and closeness.
Try This: Spend five minutes each day doing a body scan. Start at your feet and slowly notice each part of your body. Don’t judge what you feel—just observe it with kindness.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Living with Purpose: ACT helps you accept what’s out of your control while encouraging you to take actions that align with your values.
Why It Helps:
Teaches you to live alongside your illness instead of fighting against it.
Helps you focus on what matters—whether that’s emotional connection, fun, or care—rather than what’s “missing.”
Builds psychological flexibility, so you can pivot and adapt when intimacy needs to look different.
Try This: Think about what intimacy means to you beyond sex. Is it connection? Laughter? Comfort? Brainstorm one action—like holding hands or sharing a compliment—that helps you feel close to your partner.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Changing Thoughts, Changing Outcomes: CBT focuses on identifying and changing negative thoughts that might be holding you back.
Why It Helps:
Helps you reframe unhelpful thoughts like, “I’m broken” or “My partner must feel so frustrated with me.”
Encourages small, achievable steps to rebuild confidence in your relationship.
Teaches you to focus on what’s possible, not what’s perfect.
Try This: Write down one negative thought you’ve had about intimacy. Then challenge it: Is it true? What evidence do you have for or against it? Replace it with a more balanced thought, like: “Intimacy looks different now, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less meaningful.”
You’re Not Alone
I want you to know that if this feels heavy right now, it’s okay. You’re not alone in feeling this way. Chronic illness can make things feel isolating, but there’s so much support out there for you. Whether it’s a therapist who understands, a partner who listens, or tools that make intimacy easier, there are ways to feel seen, supported, and loved—on your terms.
Intimacy isn’t about being perfect; it’s about finding connection in ways that work for you and your body.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
If this resonates with you, or if you’re looking for more ideas and support, reach out. This this just scratching the surface. Therapy can help you dive deeper in helping decrease pain and increase intimacy ideas. Whether it’s finding the right resources or just knowing someone gets it, you don’t have to navigate this alone.
Here’s to finding warmth—even in the coldest seasons.
Learn more about Hey Emma Therapy by visiting https://heyemma.com/
